Apology Gone Wrong
by Fish-Inton
Summary: The Good Doctor happens to be in the neighbourhood, and intends to apologise... havoc ensues beware OOCness.
1. mush and burnt ducks

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of these characters, much as I'd like to.  
  
A/N: this is a really weird situation, but it might have been possible...  
Clarice went indoors and slammed front door in frustration. She had been informed that the FBI were dropping her.  
  
"This is all his fault." She said to herself.  
  
"Whose fault, may I ask?" His voice sounded.  
  
"Get outta my head, doctor!" she yelled to the room and herself. "It's all your fault!" And with that she began to sob.  
  
"My little Starling, I am not in your head, although you may think so... look at me." His voice came nearer and clearer, Clarice looked up to see the good doctor himself standing casually in her living room. Before she could stop herself, Clarice got up and flung her arms around his neck.  
  
"Where have you been?" She said in his ear.  
  
"Around... thought I'd drop in. Mind you, if this is the response I get, I'll have to stop by more often." He brushed a tear away from her cheek.  
  
"Why did you leave? I didn't want you to go." She said to him, hugging him close. He embraced her back.  
  
"I... I honestly don't know why I left, and I truly didn't want to go either." He looked deep into her eyes, "I still love you, Clarice, nobody is ever going to stop that." He said, and he kissed her forehead lovingly.  
  
"I love you too, and I never did say when that thousand years had to start." She gave a weak smile.  
  
"Hmmm... a loophole in the deal. You, my dear, are proving to be very useful." He looked at her and flashed a smile.  
  
"That's an... Interesting thing to say." Clarice replied, letting him go.  
  
"Indeed, Clarice, before you ask, I came to apologise."  
  
"What for?" She questioned, raising a quizzical eyebrow at him.  
  
"My behaviour at our last meeting." He looked down at his feet.  
  
"Nice shoes." She said, putting some humour into the situation, "There's nothing to forgive, you didn't do anything wrong... Paul had it coming, have you heard him sing London Bridge yet? Very entertaining." Clarice smiled at him.  
  
"Not yet, but I do have time tomorrow, perhaps I'll drop by and see him." The doctor smiled back.  
  
"Doctor, I-" He put his finger to her lips to silence her.  
  
"I think we can drop the formalities, Clarice, you can call me by my given name. I wasn't born as Doctor Lecter, you know." He took his finger away and let her continue.  
  
"Hannibal, I should be the one apologising, if I'd known I-" He silenced her once again, this time with a kiss, much like the one at the Chesapeake. The only difference here, was that she was returning his kiss. He pulled away and opened his eyes,  
  
"Clarice, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."  
  
"Wanna bet?" She said back, looking in his eyes. They stood like that, drowning in each others eyes for about ten minutes before the fire alarm went off in the kitchen.  
  
"Oh, shit!" the doctor cursed, Clarice burst out laughing.  
  
"Language!" She managed to get out as she literally rolled around on the floor laughing her head off.  
  
"Sorry, my dear, it seems the duck has been... slightly over-cooked." Hannibal held up a burnt 'thing' supposedly being duck at one point in its life.  
  
"It's okay." Clarice said, then it was her turn to curse aloud. "Oh shit!" She said as she heard the front door close, it was Ardelia.  
  
"Hey, Clarice, you have no id-" Delia stopped in mid sentence when she saw Clarice standing in the middle of the room and Doctor Lecter holding up a tray of... something that was still smoking. She nearly passed out.  
  
"Uh, Delia this is Hannibal, Hannibal, Delia... we had an accident in the kitchen I'm afraid." Clarice said hurriedly.  
  
"Right." Delia nodded, "What, why, how, when, who?" she questioned.  
  
"Ardelia, may I call you that?" The doctor spoke up, "This was duck, not a who, how... well, I left it too long in the oven, and why... I'll leave you and Clarice to sort that one out between yourselves, I'm going to sort out the kitchen." With that, the doctor left.  
  
"Delia, I know this is a surprise, but I-"  
  
"Girl, are you okay?!" Ardelia said to her "He's here!" She pointed in the direction of the kitchen.  
  
"Delia, I'm fine, he's fine, you're fine, he's not going to hurt me, or you." Clarice assured her friend.  
  
"Look, why is he here? And what the hell is with the duck?" Delia asked.  
  
"He's here because of me, Delia, and he came to apologise... my guess is with a dinner, but it went wrong. Don't call the office, please, Delia!" Clarice pleaded her friend.  
  
"You say he's not going to hurt us? And came to apologise? So he's not going to kill no-one?" Ardelia thought for a minute.  
  
"I won't call the office, promise you." Ardelia got up.  
  
"Don't go! Stay here with us and let me prove to you he's a nice guy." Clarice said, stopping her friend dead in her tracks.  
  
"Nice guy?! What's he cooking then?" Delia said, she'd stay, just to check on her friend.  
  
"I won't let him back in the kitchen, see, we got a little carried away out here and..."  
  
"I really don't wanna know right now... what's it gonna be then? Chinese, Indian, English, or Fast food?" Delia said, holding up her hand to stop Clarice from going on anymore.  
  
"I don't know, why don't you go and ask Hannibal?" Clarice motioned to the kitchen. Ardelia followed her gaze.  
  
"Oh, so it's Hannibal now, is it?" Delia smiled weakly, from the shock of what she'd agreed to, "if I'm not back, call an ambulance." She half- heartedly joked. With that, she went towards the kitchen and took a deep breath before going in.  
  
What she saw nearly made her laugh. The good doctor was battling the duck, attempting to pry it off the tray with a knife, she let out a giggle.  
  
"Use paint thinner, works every time." She advised him.  
  
"No, no... I'm fine." He insisted.  
  
"Uh, right... sure you are. Clarice said she's not gonna let you cook anything else today, so we're planning on getting takeout, what do you want?" She said it fine, no slip-ups.  
  
"Hmmm... what about... Indian... I saw a good place down the street, and why don't we eat in? I'll pay, since this went a bit... pear-shaped" He smiled, Delia smiled back thinking to herself about the teeth.  
  
"Okies." She said and exited the kitchen as quickly as she could.  
  
"Well," Clarice said to Delia when she got back.  
  
"So he's an okay guy! You win and he said Indian, and he's gonna pay, girl... are we crazy?" Delia said, but she was happy for Clarice, considering she hadn't got a guy in ages, he's still a guy right? He's still... human... so it's okay, right?  
  
"I knew you'd see sense." Clarice went to tell him it's okay, and to get another kiss, without being interrupted by anything.  
  
"I thought the same thing... what is sense anyway?" Delia asked herself aloud. Hen she got changed and waited for Clarice and her man to get ready too. This could prove interesting...  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
"And that's the end of that chapter." Idea came to mind when watching that simpsons episode when... *ahem*  
  
Anyhow, this is just a short thing... so, what do you think?! 


	2. insane they say

DISCLAIMER: you know it already! Eat me!  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
Agent Ardelia Mapp, Dr Hannibal 'the cannibal' Lecter and Clarice Starling, entered The Hasina, a nice little Indian restaurant not far from the house. They had already reserved a table for three over the phone.  
  
After a short silence, Ardelia began to make conversation.  
  
"So, what brings you to the US doctor?" she said to HIM.  
  
"To be quite frank, Agent Mapp, Clarice does." Hannibal looked over at a blushing Clarice and winked.  
  
"Really... um, call me Ardelia, or Delia... just not Agent Mapp," she made an impression of him and then made a face as she said her name.  
  
"Alright then... Ardelia, how are you both?" Clarice snorted, then hurriedly apologised.  
  
"Sorry!" she cracked up, Delia continued as normal. The doctor listened and ignored Clarice too.  
  
"Well, see, we got another drug bust and the 'evil overlords' upstairs don't like it... they've dropped Clarice 'cos they remember that whole Drumgo killing thingy."  
  
"I see... Clarice, you're being awfully quiet, are you alright?"  
  
"Yes, um... yeah, just great." She squeaked.  
  
"Are you sure?" He quirked an eyebrow.  
  
"Mmmm... I just can't believe you two are actually talking... normally. I thought Delia would go through the roof." Clarice started to chuckle again.  
  
Soon, all three were laughing at the idea of the situation being 'normal,' as they left, the waiter wondered why Mapp would be so happy, news was old Jack Crawford was dead. 


	3. back home

DISCLAIMER (can I be bothered? Yes... I really don't have enough cash): I am merely borrowing these characters, the plot to steal them failed, so I rent them from Mr Harris... in an ideal world anyway...  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
"I should leave now," doctor Lecter said as he helped Clarice up the path outside her house.  
  
"Don't leave!" Clarice grabbed his arm.  
  
"Yeah, else you'll have her latched to your arm for the rest of your days..." Delia grinned at the thought, "I can see it now, you going to the opera with Clarice dragging behind you, clinging to your arm for dear life." She chuckled.  
  
"The vision is shared, Ardelia." He smiled, it WAS an entertaining thought, he had to admit. "However, I must leave. I could drop by in the morning, to see Clarice." He suggested looking into a drunken Clarice's eyes, "She should drink lots of coffee."  
  
"Okay, I'll see ya round maybe." Delia nodded and went into her side of the duplex.  
  
"Clarice." The doctor said.  
  
"Mmmmmmm... I never did tell you how sexy you look when you're drunk, did I?" Clarice collapsed into his arms.  
  
"Thank you, but it is you who is the drunk one of us, my dear... I will take that little comment into account shall I?" He held her so she leaned against him.  
  
"YOU DO THAT..." Clarice practically yelled through the street.  
  
"Mmmm... Clarice, you remember earlier?"  
  
"Yeah, why? What's that got to do with-" she was cut off again when he drew her into a deep and thoroughly sensuous kiss. She collapsed again. Giving a sigh, he scooped her into his arms and took her into her side of the building.  
  
Hannibal set Clarice on her bed, she tried to pull him down with her.  
  
"No, Clarice." He said, as he unhooked her arms from around his neck.  
  
"You need to get more fun outta life, you know that?" She said, looking completely wasted.  
  
"And I intend to do so when you are sober, but for now, my dear, I shall leave you." He smiled.  
  
"Can't you just stay? Just lie here for a while... LIKE A SLEEPOVER!" she planned on grabbing his arm, but instead fell off the bed and clung to his leg... not that she noticed. He heaved a great sigh and looked down at her.  
  
"Alright, just for a little while." With that, the Good and SOBER Doctor helped the COMPLETELY DRUNK Clarice get back into bed. He lie next to her above the covers, watching her. "Happy?!"  
  
"Yeah, you?"  
  
"Couldn't be better." He smiled warmly and kissed her forehead. "Now sleep, you'll feel better in the morning." He watched his little starling as she drifted off to sleep. Deciding not to leave, he removed his jacket and soon fell into a deep sleep next to her, listening to her breathing. 


	4. happiness

As usual... DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, I never have and no matter how hard I try, I never will do... and thanks to Laura for singing in her sleep and giving me inspiration for this chapter... and I don't own or like Britney spears, my little sister is torturing me with her CDs! Help fellow Lecterphiles! The Britney syndrome will spread like wildfire! noooooooo!  
  
As usual, reviews are welcomed.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
During the night, Clarice had proven to be a professional fidget... the doctor had woken up on the floor a few times. Ardelia could be heard snoring throughout the entire duplex and Clarice had been singing in her sleep for the past three hours.  
  
Giving up on sleep, the Good Doctor got up and padded out into the kitchen. He stood and thought for a while... about twenty minutes to be more precise. He made himself a coffee ad thought some more... he was interrupted by Clarice's singing increasing in volume... she was singing "overprotected" by Britney Spears (yuck!). Giving a chuckle, the doctor finished his coffee and went into the living room. After a short while, he dozed off on the sofa.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
Clarice awoke at 4 o'clock with a small headache, she felt the bed beside her and found the doctor was gone, but his jacket was on the chair beside the bed... he had stayed.  
  
She got up and staggered into the bathroom. She gave a squeak of horror when she saw her reflection in the mirror. After brushing her teeth to get rid of the taste of alcohol, she came out of the bathroom.  
  
~ Where is he? He can't be cooking duck at this hour, can he? ~  
  
Clarice smiled as she imagined him running around the kitchen, trying desperately not to burn the duck. What was it with the duck anyway?  
  
Clarice reached the bottom of the stairs and listened, she heard nothing. Clarice went into the kitchen, she saw a coffee cup and nothing else. She pulled a sweater out of the ironing pile and pulled it over her head, nearly losing her balance. Clarice padded into the living room and saw Doctor Lecter stretched out on the sofa, snoring lightly. She squatted down next to him and shook his shoulder gently, he groaned and turned over, obviously not wanting to get up. Then he woke up.  
  
"what, who, how, where, wh-" He looked at Clarice and calmed down.  
  
"Good morning." She said to him.  
  
"Is it? I wouldn't know, the curtains are shut." He replied.  
  
"I don't know either. What are you doing down here?" she asked.  
  
"Being kicked out of bed repeatedly and hearing you sing Britney Spears combined with Miss Mapp's snoring does tend to wake people up, so I came down here."  
  
"I'm sorry," she hugged him, "I'm a natural fidget, but singing?! I never heard that one before." She said, her accent becoming a little stronger.  
  
"Indeed," he chuckled and kissed the top of her head affectionately. Clarice reluctantly pulled away and studied him for a second, she patted his messed up hair down on to his head so he didn't look so. I JUST GOT OUT OF BED AND I NEED CAFFEINE! But decidedly more... TIRED CANNIBAL!  
  
Hannibal sat back on the sofa and pulled Clarice so she sat next to him. When he spoke it was almost in a whisper.  
  
"Clarice, there aren't many things in this world I don't have, however, you I have never been able to analyse, obtain, have, even love... you surprise me Clarice, you always have... you are unpredictable." He startled her when he got down on one knee, "Clarice M Starling, would you do me the honour of becoming Mrs Hannibal 'the cannibal' Lecter?" He waited for the answer, silently praying it would be a yes.  
  
"Huh?" Clarice said, trying to process exactly what he'd just said.  
  
"If you're still half-drunk, here it is put into simple terms... will you marry me?" Metaphorically, she jumped out of her skin... in reality, she jumped off the sofa and hugged him so tightly he was having trouble breathing. Hannibal drew away and went through his pockets, he found what he was looking for. He brought from his pocket a box, when he opened it, Clarice thought she might feint... in the box was a gold ring, a diamond in it and emeralds surrounding it.  
  
"Yes... a thousand times yes!" Clarice began to shed tears of joy and happiness.  
  
"Your father would be proud of you, my love."  
  
"I know."  
  
And in those words, the fate of the lovers was sealed, they were bound to each other... heart, mind and soul... for eternity.  
  
Together forever.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
Two weeks after Clarice Starling disappeared without a trace, Agent Ardelia Mapp received a letter.  
  
Where the Doctor and his Lady eloped to, only Ardelia knows, and so it shall remain that way forever. If we were to look into this any further, we may face the ultimate consequence of being "called on"  
  
...TAKE HEED AND FOLLOW THIS ADVICE YOUNG CHILDREN, FOR ONLY FOOLS CHOOSE TO IGNORE THE WORDS SPOKEN BY THE ONE WHO KNOWS...  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
and that brings the story to a close, once again thanks to Laura [pen name: lauramy] and all who review...  
  
CIAO! 


End file.
